


John, darling.

by Robosynthesis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Basically I just wanted to write, M/M, One sided relationship, Sadstuck, Songfic, highschool love, i dont even know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:23:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1426657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robosynthesis/pseuds/Robosynthesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave isn't in love with his best friend. No way. It's just a crush. Crushes were suppose to go away. They weren't meant to last, but it still hasn't gone away. Against his better judgement, he thought that maybe it would never go away. Though life isn't shits and giggles and it doesn't always end in a happily ever after. Dave knew that but it didn't stop him from hoping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John, darling.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I don't know how this happened but it did. 
> 
> It's pretty much just a songfic I really wanted to write once I heard the song "Jenny" by the Studio Killers. It was so cute and I couldn't resist, but I don't think I did it justice.

**Jenny (John), darling, you're my best friend.**  
  
  
You glance over at John through the corner of your eye. Parties like the one you were currently at were boring, even if it was John who dragged you along with him. You'd rather be home playing video games. Yeah, that sounded nice.  
  
John was across the room currently talking to Rose. A smile was lit up on his face, followed by his eyes scrunching closed and a loud laugh. You loved his laugh; it carried throughout the room and you could hear it from a mile away. It was justly and remotely him.  
  
Your name is Dave Strider and John Egbert is your best friend.  
  
  
  
 **But there's a few things that you don't know of.**  
  
  
And with that said, your name is Dave Strider and you have the biggest crush on your best friend. You even dared to call it love at one point, but calling it love hurt worse because you knew he didn't love you back. So, crush it was.  
  
  
  
 **Why I borrow your lipstick (movies) so often.**  
  
  
John's taste in movies sucks. It sucks worse than Karkat's taste in movies. You almost think they look up the titles of horrible movies and watch them just to do it. The irony in that case would be amazing, but you know they wouldn't do it for the irony. That was your thing, not theirs.  
  
Even though his movies are a drag, you ask him to borrow them. He thinks it's because secretly you're a huge Nic Cage fan but just don't want to admit it. Which you couldn't blame him for. It would actually seem like that to anyone. But you actually borrow them because you know he loves them. That was all, case closed. It was stupid but you felt like you could have a closer connection to the dork if you watched his favorite movies.  
  
You tell yourself that it's because of the intention of having more to talk to him about. Not because you really like him.  
  
  
  
 **I'm using your shirt as a pillow case.**  
  
  
When you got home from the party you flopped down onto your bed after taking your shades off and discarding them onto your side table. Your eyes closed as you buried your face into your pillow.  
  
The shirt you were using as your pillow case (only because your pillow case ripped and you were too lazy to sow it, and you hated the feel of the actual pillow ) had long since stopped smelling like John to your dismay. Maybe you were using your best friends shirt that he had forgotten over your house once as your pillow case. It was a soft shirt and quite comfy to lay your head on.  
  
Sometimes you liked hugging it to your chest and pretending it was John you were hugging. It got harder after the shirt stopped smelling like John and more like you though.  
  
The idea to give it back to him came your your mind a few times, but you would miss it either way.  
  
  
  
 **I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead. I don't know how to say this cause you're really my dearest friend.**  
  
  
Yeah fine, you admit to yourself more easily than you should, that you, Dave Strider, would love to be in a full blown relationship with your best friend, John Egbert. No way were you going to tell him that, though. There was no way to tell him.  
  
"Oh hey John what's up? Yeah I'm good. By the way I want to kiss your face and maybe even fuck you in the ass."  
  
Yeah, no. Not happening.  
  
  
  
 **Jenny (John), darling, you're my best friend. I've been doing bad things that you don't know about. Stealing your stuff now and then, nothing you'd miss but it means** **the world to me.**  
  
  
As you roll over and look at your desk across the room you see a few pictures in frames. One of them contained you, John, Rose, and Jade together. You had all met up together for John's thirteenth birthday. It was one of your favorite days, because it was one of the first times that you were actually happy. It is nice having friends. You don't know what you would do without them.  
  
To the right of that one, there was a picture of you and your bro with your parents. You were just a baby in the picture, no more than two. It's the only picture you have of when your mom and dad were still alive. Bro told you stories of them often, him being twelve years older than you gave him actual memories of them. He said they were nice people. You believed him. You had no reason not to.  
  
You wish you got to know them though.  
  
Then there was your favorite picture in the middle of the other two. Whenever you looked at it, it brought a smile to your face.  
  
It was taken earlier this year at your schools prom. You had intended to go alone, but John would have none of that and offered to be your bro date, seeing as how he and his girlfriend who he was supposed to go with, broke up a week prior. You wouldn't pass that up, so you and John went to Prom together.  
  
Rose, who had gone with her girlfriend, knew all about your crush on John and sent you knowing looks the whole time.  
  
But that didn't stop you. Actually, it encouraged you as if saying to her "shut up I know, but look at me, I'm with him and no one can stop me." John even agreed to dance with you to a slow song. You swear that was the best dance of your life.  
  
"An ironic bro to bro slow dance, right Dave?" He told you while out on the dance floor. You had nodded, not wanting to tell him you thought of it was way more.  
  
Jade had caught you two in the act and snapped the picture that was now printed out and on your desk, framed of course. John often teased you about having it out in the open, but you dejected everything he said and passed it off as "an open display of our bro love."  
  
Next to the pictures was a jar full of pens and pencils. A few of them you had taken from John. You knew he wouldn't miss them and they were great drawing tools.  
  
You've taken a few other things from him actually. You hid them in a small box in the back of your closet, hoping to whatever god out there that John never found it. It was a guilty habit you had picked up.  
  
  
  
 **I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead. I don't know how to say this cause you're really my dearest friend. I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers** **instead. I don't know how to say this cause you're really my dearest friend.**  
  
  
That night you had another nightmare. You dream about John getting stabbed through the chest by a sword of some kind, wielded by a monster that looked like some kind of dog. When you wake up in a cold sweat, you almost believe it was real.  
  
You didn't realize you were crying.  
  
It was times like these you really wished you and John were together so you could call him up on your phone and tell him to get his ass over to your house, that you need him to hold you and tell you it's alright. You want to be more than 'best bros'. You never want him to leave you.  
  
It was perfectly healthy to think of your crush like that.  
  
This was one of those times when you told yourself you loved him on accident. Though you beat yourself mentally for thinking that afterwords. It was, after all, just a crush. It would go away eventually. Crushes only last a short amount of time.  
  
You always tell yourself that. It's what you've told yourself for five years now. But it still hasn't gone away. Against your better judgement, you thought that maybe it would never go away.  
  
  
  
 **Jenny (John) take my hand cause we are more than friends. I will follow you until the end. Jenny (John) take my hand.**  
  
  
On the walk to school the next morning, John was telling you something about a dream he had last night. Something about him being a prince and rescuing a princess with fair blond hair and piercing eyes that were oh so beautiful. His words, not yours.  
  
You wished you were the princess.  
  
And you also wished that your hand was suddenly intertwined with his.  
  
But then he asked you about if you had a dream last night.  
  
"Nah bro, you know for a fact that I don't dream." It was true. You never had a dream before. Nightmares aren't dreams, and you've always had nightmares.  
  
You wouldn't dare to tell John about the stuff you have been plagued with in your nightmares. You would never tell him about the images of fighting and war, and of being a god and dying. You wouldn't tell him about how in your nightmares you had powers of time, and he had wind powers. You wouldn't tell him about your bro dying or about all the times in your nightmares where you had died or watched your friends die while you could do nothing.  
  
Your nightmares terrified you and shook you to the core. You wouldn't admit it to anyone though. They seemed so real. Though in every nightmare, John always seemed to be the hero. He always did what was right, no matter what. Unlike you. You accepted that long ago. John was destined for great things, and you weren't. He would go far in life.  
  
The urge to grab his hand came back as if he was going to float away and leave you, to never come back.  
  
But that was silly. He wasn't going anywhere besides class.  
  
  
 **I cannot pretend why I never like your new boyfriends.**  
  
  
Everyone knew John Egbert was bisexual. When someone thought he was totally gay, he pointed out that he "was not a homosexual". Something about not wanting people to get the wrong idea.  
  
But John also had a lot of relationships. He went through them faster than one of the "popular" girls went through clothes. Well, not actually that fast. His longest relationship was two and a half years and his shortest was a month. But in between, he had dated more people than you could count on your hands. You were happy for him, knowing that he was sought after like that. You were too, actually. Most likely more over in fact. But you have never dated anyone.  
  
You tell yourself that no one caught your attention besides John. So if you weren't into the person, why date them?  
  
But that didn't stop John from dating and frankly it shouldn't. Even though you were happy for him when he would tell you about his latest relationship, there was that pang of jealously to be felt.  
  
Rose said you always acted different whenever John got a new partner. You guessed it was true because even Jade had said something once. Only John never noticed, or at least never gave on that he noticed.  
  
You wanted it that way though. You didn't want John to ask questions that you couldn't give answers to.  
  
( "Dave you should just tell him how you feel already. Maybe John likes you back? Have you ever thought of that?" Rose told you once. Of course you have thought of that. But then you came up with a list of reasons as to why he WOULDN'T like you. There was a lot on that list. )  
  
  
 **Oh, your love for them won't last long. Forget those amigos. Oh, your love for them won't last long. Forget those amigos. Forget those amigos**  
  
  
He always came to you when one of his relationships ended. If they broke up with him, or if he broke up with them, either way you counted on him to show up. It always gave you hope, too. You thought maybe it was your turn next.  
  
Maybe it would even be his last relationship, because you told yourself the two of you would be a pretty fucking awesome couple. But that time never came and you scolded yourself for thinking that something like a dream from a movie would happen to you. This was real life after all. Shit like that didn't happen. You needed to just give up on hoping it would.  
  
wanted to be the one he trusted with his life and showed his love to. You wanted to be the one that held him when he needed it, and you wanted him to do the same for you. You wanted him You hated yourself for hoping it would. You wanted him to yourself and no one else. You to be the one in your life as more than a friend. You wanted to be his everything and at the same time you wanted to be something he would see every day. That way if you were ever gone, the emptiness would make him stop and think.  
  
But most of all you wanted him. Just all of him.  
  
And it disgusted yourself. You were a selfish prick for wanting all of him when you knew that the most he would give to you was a small part. You didn't even deserve that much.  
  
You were a drenched, starving dog who was attention ridden and lonely. John was the man who walked past your yard every day on his way to work to said hello and gave you food as well as hope. Because he was so kind to you, you expected him to take you in and give you a nice warm home.  
  
But of course he wasn't obligated to do that. You were stupid to think he was.  
  
  
 **I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead. I don't know how to say this cause you're really my dearest friend.**  
  
  
Crushes were suppose to go away. They weren't meant to last. But as days blended together to form weeks, and then weeks passed by you, you watched John Egbert walk up onto the  
stage to get his diploma on graduation day. It was then you finally accepted that this wasn't just a normal crush.

You admitted that yeah, this was fucking love and you were hung over on him.  
  
But the way the gown looked just right on him as he shook hands with someone you didn't care to know too much about, how the lights reflected off his unmanageable hair just right, and the curve of his jaw slacked as the biggest smile ended up plastered onto his face when he walked off stage, it made you fully take in that he was beautiful.  
  
Not just in the bro way or the crush way. You weren't some little freshman crushing on a superstar that played in the latest movie. It wasn't like that and you knew it.  
  
But you were scared at that thought. The weight of it crashed down on you and it gave you an urge to get it off your chest.  
  
  
 **Oh, your love for them won't last long, we should be lovers instead. Oh, your love for them won't last long, cause you're really my dearest friend.**  
  
  
You swallowed the pang of fear and took a deep breath. Striders didn't get scared. Time seemed to move faster, like you were controlling it how you did in your nightmares. You knew you weren't though, but the sensation as if you were was there. Maybe time was truly on your side. Maybe it knew you were going to fuck up and mess things up and just wanted it to happen sooner.  
  
The tickle of wind brushed across your body as if it was trying to calm you down. You have always liked the wind. It reminded you of John.  
  
Your name is Dave Strider and you are going to tell your best friend, John Egbert, that you love him.  
  
But it isn't that easy. When all things are said and done, you have time to reflect on them. You have time to reflect on them before hand as well. And once you were free to go look for John, you did.  
  
  
This is what you wanted to happen with your entire being:  
  
You find Johns messy black hair through the crowd easily. It stood up at every angle. He always said it naturally does that even when he tries to brush it. Somehow it managed to suit him and make him all the more adorable. It was just another thing to the long list of reasons why you liked him.  
  
"Yo, Egbert guess what?" You say, but then freeze as he turns to face you. When his eyes caught yours he ran over to you, the sloppy grin you love on his lips. God he was beautiful. You wanted to look at him forever.  
  
"Dave! Hey there Mr. I graduated high school, whats up?" He stopped a few feet in front of you. A smile tugged at your lips, almost threatening to show.  
  
"Wait! I have to tell you something first." You blinked as John spoke. You nodded simply, the smile no longer pushing to your lips. It left you slightly irritated because you wanted to tell him how you felt and just get it over with.  
  
"Well okay so you know the person I have crushed on forever now, right?" You deflated, of course that would be what John wanted to talk about.  
  
"Well I know I told you about them.. but I have a confession to make and well we are graduating! It's now or never right? Do you think I should tell them?" You nod yet again. He was going to go tell this person and you were going to be there as the best friend once more. It's how it always went.  
  
"Well okay. Now or never. Come on John." You heard him whisper to himself. You waited for him to turn around and leave to go find the person he liked.  
  
He never left. In fact he leaned forward and pressed his lips softly and hesitantly against yours. It took you a few moments to realize that you were being kissed.  
  
Your name is Dave Strider and your best friend and the man you love is kissing you.  
  
And you couldn't be happier as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing back into the kiss.  
  
Maybe you actually wouldn't just be the best friend after all. A flame lit up in your heart and filled your body with warmth.

  
 _However, life isn't always shits and giggles as you would hope it to be._ _Your life isn't a romance or a movie with a happily ever after._  
  
  
"Yo, Egbert guess what?" You managed to get the words out before freezing. At first you hoped that it wasn't John. Maybe it was John's weird look-alike that you have once mistaken from behind to actually be John.  
  
But not this time. And those Egbert lips were full front on someone elses'. Someone's that weren't yours.  
  
Maybe he heard your heart break, because after the kiss was over he turned to look at you. You thought maybe he planned this, because when he spotted you, that dorky grin came across his face. He grabbed the person's hand and dragged them over to you.  
  
"Dave! Remember that person I told you I had a huge crush on? Well I thought maybe today would be my last chance to tell them. It turns out they feels the same! Isn't that great?"  
  
Yeah. It was just splendid, you thought as you tried to act happy for him.  
  
You were ready to be there as the best friend once more.  
  
It's how it always went.  
  
  
 **We should be lovers instead cause you're really my dearest friend.**  
  
 **Jenny..**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a little sorry for that ending. Just a little.


End file.
